She slid Alice-like onto the beach watching the buildings and people tower above her, shrinking her. Laying flat out she felt the pebbles making little round hollows in her back and pushing into her spine with exquisite pain pleasure, distracting, distracting. The great black hole in the pit of her stomach was drawing her in and she would collapse into it, emerging as something different.

She had been here before, with someone else. A memory drifting across the circle of time, she could feel his body breathing life into her, shut her eyes and remember, freeze time for just a second.

'No push it away, its gone now, leave it, leave it'

The bright sunlight belied the bitter chill which froze to the bone and the gunfire patter of the see calling lyrics from a thousand songs, mixed and indeterminate, pounding loudly, offering both consolation and torment. She needed to move. The paralysis in her body echoed the numbness in her mind.

Stiffly she raised herself so that she was sitting....a small burst of sunshine smacked her in the face wiping out the aching sensation.

'The sunshine through my veins'

She remembered that sensation only too well...the boy with the devastating kiss who she thought would be part of her forever....sometimes brother, sometimes lover, always friend.

'The line between belief and delusion is very fine. Tread it with immense care'

He was the dark side of her, but a shining light none-the-less for that and the glint in his eyes when they fixed hers, both worshipping and despising was visible in front of her.She could hear his rapid breath in the air beside and feel him tremble as he reached out for her, his hands urgent and hard on her body.He surprised, excited and shocked, finding what was hidden and denied.

'He left marks...some lasted for days...some will always be with you'

She could taste the sea on her tongue, now. Or maybe she could taste him, it was no longer clear...the soft sweep of his hair on her stomach...so much longer than hers that she could twist and entangle fingers, pulling, tugging, holding on.

'But you glimpsed his soul...or thought you did...he saw right through you...he knew you well...maybe he didn't like what he saw'

She couldn't judge him...too much pleasure...too much pain...too much learnt. UNCONDITIONAL.

'Never held emotion in the palm of my hand'

The sea was softer now, the light weaker...there was a luminous quality to the water and the woman on the beach suddenly became aware of the intense cold that rushed through her body exploding in her head. The buildings were still huge, the people had gone, the sea hushed. She felt it all wash around her...not a bad place to be. She shut her eyes.